Sexy Bitches Wear Red

Well, it's friggin' Valentine's Day, again. The sucky part is that I actually had a valentine up until this weekend...shit happens, I guess, but I'm not expecting any flowers, chocolate or romance tonight or any time soon. Makes me very sad because I believed we were going to be valentines for a while. Instead, Danny and I will be romancing the Gators as they play Alabama this evening.

Today is also the half-way point in the month of February. I was happy to reach my Valentine's day goal weight of 265. Since the middle of November, I'd been unable to get back down to my lowest weight last year (255.5) and actually hovered between 270-280 for months until about 3 weeks ago. This past Sunday I weighed in at 261 (the most recent picture above was the Saturday night before).

So, today starts my "Fabulous February Finale" challenge to reach 255.5 by the 28th. I realize it's a tad ambitious, but I hope to and intend to continue my 25 minute lunchtime walks, 45 minute Gazelle workouts, 3 mile evening walks, and Ab-Lounge sessions. A combination of two or more of those activies daily and eating well should allow me to reach goal. Then it will be on to my March Madness Challenge...but let me not get ahead of myself.

Bus Seats Aren't As Small As I Thought...

[FYI: I wasn't hiding. I was having technical difficulties with blogger.com, but apparently they've been cleared up, so I'm back; also, you can always visit me at www.myspace.com/mizcass]
Back to blogging and to basics: Tuesday, January 23, 2007 Rich inspired me to get up early and workout before I went to work. I weighed 276. I did about 30 minutes on the Gazelle and was off to work. That night I came home and for the first time since I moved in, walked up and down the street I live on (exactly 2 miles round trip from my parking spot). That was 2 weeks ago today and except for both Saturdays, I have worked out every single day!! I also have resumed my daily walks during my lunch break, 25-30 minutes around downtown (don't worry, I'm watching out for any punching homeless men). In the evenings I alternate between 35-45 minutes on the Gazelle and walking 2 miles outside (last night I walked 3 miles). PLUS, my mom recently bought Tony Little's Ab-Lounge Xtreme and has since given (sold) it to me. [What was originally my den is now my Tony Little workout room--if I manage to get go goal, I'm going to have to write him a thank-you letter.] I've been doing about 100 crunches a day. Something must be working because last Thursday I reached my goal to hit 265 before Valentine's Day (Friday my TOM started so I'm not weighing this week). It is the most progress I've made since Labor Day, and I'm encouraged. Actually, I'm encouraged for a number of reasons: like I mentioned, it's my TOM so, of course, I'm feeling bloated and crampy and all-around cruddy (like the recent weather here); well, I wore my skinny jeans to work yesterday (don't ask me why) but I was actually comfortable all day!!! I had a feeling that the Ab-Lounge had worked some inches off my midsection but I couldn't be sure cause my lazy butt didn't measure myself before I started. YAY!

So, last week I started taking the bus to work. Drive to the park & ride, take the downtown express bus and it drops me off right in front of my building. It's been great to be able to sleep on the way to and from work. I almost can't believe I'm enjoying taking the bus. I've been taking the bus to school and everywhere else since I was a kid and until I was in my mid-20s when I had a car of my own. And I hated it! The main reason is unless the bus was fairly empty, I felt crowded and uncomfortable--the damn seats are sooo small! Well ( insert sheepish grin) you know, the bus seats aren't that small. I mean, this past week I've noticed that I actually fit completely into one seat instead of 1/3 of my arse spilling over into the next one. People can actually sit next to me and not have to sit sideways. My knees aren't constantly jutting into the seats in front of me and I don't feel like I'm suffocating fellow passengers on either side when I walk down the aisle looking for a seat. I can't tell you what a feeling that is--an incredible NSV. Like lying down on my side and feeling my knees touch each other sans two inches of fat in between--I have BONES!

So, I feel like I'm back on track and hoping to stay that way (I know you're watching me, Leigh. LOL!!). Gotta keep my eye on the prize. Next major goal is to reach 247.5 by my birthday, which is exactly 13 weeks away. That would give me a total of 75lbs lost since I started this thing. The picture above was taken on February 2, Groundhog Day, 2007. My shadow's a lot smaller this year than it was last year. LOL!

Celebrating the Gators...again!!!

IT'S GREAT TO BE A FLORIDA GATOR!!!!

WE ARE THE FOOTBALL AND BASKETBALL CHAMPIONS!!!

Starting Over

I just love the Daily Dose and today's is particularly appropos! Can't wait to get started on Monday (the mental preparation/training has already begun*).

Do-Over
A bad haircut. Those horrible words you said to your last boyfriend. That Enron investment. We all have things we regret doing. Things we wish we could take back, or turn around, or undo. Unfortunately, though, much in life is the real deal and set in stone once it's in the past. What's done is done. Bygones. But here's the good news: we know of one big fat exception…
Fat! Yes, weight. Those good ole L-B-S's. That giant pizza you devoured every Sunday this past football season. The two dozen cookies that disappeared last Tuesday night. All that beer you drank over the holidays. Sure, it probably wreaked havoc on your waistline…but it's totally "undo-able." Isn't that great?
That's right—to "undo" is "doable"!
Not many times do we get to fix something, or take back an error in judgment, but when it comes to our weight, and how we got that way, that's exactly what we get to do. We get to fix it. We get a second chance. And that's a beautiful thing.
Now that it's January, it's the perfect time to give ourselves that second chance and focus big time on becoming healthier, and downright happier, in the New Year. Let's face it, more food and drink isn't really going to make you happier, is it? At this point, maybe it's likely to make you even more frustrated or wishing even harder that things were different.
So make them different, starting today.
Stick to you guns and realize you really can "undo" any damage that's been done, lose weight, and create a whole new and improved you. People do it all the time.
Now it's your turn for a do-over.

* FYI: When I weigh-in on Monday, it will probably be my TOM so the actual number may be even more inflated than I'd like, but who cares since it's all going away anyway?!!?

Theme of 2007

"The courage to be is the courage to accept oneself, in spite of being unacceptable."

This will be my theme for 2007. I've had set backs, but this is life...a journey and success will be measured by my greater ability to love myself enough to work out and achieve my weight loss goals and STILL love myself when I 'fall' and pig out.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Hi, all!

I know, I know--my last update was November 6th! Guess I got started celebrating the holidays a little early. But now I'm back and ready to start Phase II of my commitment to myself through NS. I'm starting NS again on Monday, January 8 -- 365 days since I started. My lowest weight reached was 255.5 but I've really enjoyed the holidays and have been weighing in the high 260s, low 270s for the last couple of weeks. I'll update my ticker tracker for exactness when I weigh-in Monday morning, but my goal is to lose 35lbs by my birthday, May 8th, and that should have me in the low 240s (all depends on how much damage all those holiday baskets and parties and bottles of wine caused).

In reflection, 2006 was a really good year for me: I bought a condo and lost 50 net pounds. Unfortunately, mid-December I lost one of my co-workers, my dear friend Kay Stirling who had a massive stroke and passed away. It's surreal. You say, "good night, Kay, I'll see ya tomorrow" and take it for granted that you will. But I didn't get to. And I must admit it's been hard to tell myself to forgo that second piece of cake/pizza/chicken when I've been soo consumed with and saddened by the truth that life is short! But that doesn't mean I have to kill myself with gluttony for whatever length of time I have. Therefore, this week is spent getting rid of the rest of the goodies in the gift basket and all leftover holiday meals and bottles of liquor, Saturday will be to stock up on the really good stuff--I don't think I've had a cucumber in over a month!! I actually kind of miss them. :-)

My mom bought an Ab-Lounger so I can't wait to try and incorporate it into my workout (which I'm honestly worried about getting back on track with--more so than with the eating), but all I can do is tap into the same discipline and desire that I began with a year ago. Also, I've started a profile on myspace.com and often spend time there so if you've noticed a bit of an absence, check me out at http://www.myspace.com/mizcass.

I'm Bringing Sexy Back, YUP!

Not that I actually ever really had 'sexy', but it's good to bring it back anyway! LOL

Condo Progress Cont'd

We are Family: my mom, one of my sisters and me!

Me, mom and my lil sis Ashley. In the pics, I'm down 65lbs, my mom's down 30 and my sis is just cute!

My Saturday Night Out

One thing I've always hated being a "BIG" girl is going out alone and worrying that everyone is making fun of, pitying, staring at the fat girl at the bar. Well, I'm trying to get over that whole deal. Saturday I sucked it up and decided to buy some clothes. I haven't bought any new items since I've started this whole journey other than 2 bras and some panties. So, I headed to Avenue and bought 2 size 22Average jeans (nice and snug--MUCH better than 26 or 28s, and they're NOT the stretchy, "lite" denim kind), a pair of khaki cargo capris and 3 tank tops. But then I had these cute outfits with no where to go! I called a new friend of mine, Dani, and asked her to meet me out there and I HAD A BLAST. Dani was cool enough to send me some pics of that evening. Once again, I love the fact that I only look 2 times bigger than everyone, rather than 200X. LOL.

I'm Sore and I'm Happy!

My arms are aching, my arse is sore and I'm THRILLED! (Anyone remember that childhood chant "My back is achin'; my belt's too tight; my booty's shakin' from left to right?" LOL) Why am I happy to be in pain? Because it means that I finally got my fat (soon to be phat) ass in gear last night. I did my trusty 2-mile WalkAerobics with Leslie Sansone and then about 25 minutes on the Gazelle (about 2.3 miles); in addition to doing a total of about 50 wall push-ups during my bathroom breaks at work yesterday. I've already done 40 today and expect to be walkin' away again this evening. I'm just soo happy that I've "broken the ice" so to speak and I plan/hope to keep it up.

Today's NS Daily Dose is entitled "Fall Back Pitfall #3: Doubt", and the message that stood out was this: "Doubt only becomes a problem when you actually start belieiving those nagging voices in your head, or you let them lead you down the path to destruction."

The past 10 months has been a series of doubts: I doubted I would make it through the first box of food (especially with those damn muffins and orange "drink"); I doubted I could walk more than 10 minutes; I doubted I could lose 20lbs before I gave up. But I agree with the DD; pay enough attention to the doubts and they become self-fulfilling prophecies.

Well, in keeping with the prophetic implications of my name, I predict that I WILL SUCCEED AND MEET GOAL BY 5/8/2007 (my 32nd birthday)!!

Boo Hoo!

Well, I didn't make my Halloween Goal to reach 255. My lowest was 257.5 on Saturday and today I weighed 261. Uugghhhhh!. But I know I haven't been doing what I need to be doing to lose, so I'm hoping that this little set back will provide some much-needed motivation. I NEED to start working out again, and I can't understand why it's soo hard to get back on the wagon when, before I bought the condo, I was working out like a beast: 2-3 mile walks with my dog, 2 mile walkaerobics and 20-30 minutes on my Gazelle--oftentimes all in one evening!! Maybe I wore myself out...maybe my body is bored of that and I need to find another work out method. I still have yet to use the pool in my building but that's because the weather has been weird. Plus, for whatever reason, I'm more self-concious about my body now than I was at my heaviest...the idea of wearing a bathing suit...sigh.

If I could just start walking again. Even a short 2mile walk this evening could do wonders in terms of getting myself back on track. In fact, I should probably see if I could do a little 10 minutes around the block during my lunch break today, provided it's not raining like it was this morning. I hate the idea the idea that my enthusiasm is waning...it's not that I don't want to keep losing. I mean, I spend most days staring at various parts of my body freaking out cause they look different. My legs, from the middle of my thighs down look positively NORMAL!! When I step on the scale, or just stand with my feet together, my thighs don't overlap anymore. They're just next to each other. I was in bed the other day and I noticed that when I lay on my side, my knees hurt because they're resting on the bones rather than all that cushion of fat that was there before. Weird. When I first started, I used to do 15-20 wall push-ups each time I went to the bathroom at work; that's when I actually developed muscles. I used to walk 20 minutes at lunch everyday (even though the only reason I stopped was the crazy downtown Miami high noon heat and I was pretty sweaty and nasty when I got back to the office). I have just got to get started again.

Anyone have any suggestions on how to get "back on track" when you've been on the journey for a while. I'm getting desperate. Like today's Daily Dose talks about, I'm fearful of falling back into old bad habits and I don't want to lose control.

All In The Numbers...

I know I've been bitching that my rate of loss has slowed considerably (though I should say that my efforts have not been as "enthusiastic" as they were at the beginning), but progress is always being made and I was reminded of that today when I went to the doctor. Last week he'd ordered a lot of tests and today the results are in: my weight? 261 (with all of my clothes, shoes and cell phone on); my blood pressure? 122/80; my cholesterol? 140; my glucose level? 88. AWESOME!! He told me my numbers were EXCELLENT and that I'm in pretty gosh darn healthy right now. Unfortunately, I do have issues with my blood clotting ability (I suffered from a DVT 3 years ago and am now on blood thinners) and my latest test results were definitely NOT excellent, but once he refers me to a hematologist we should be able to get on top of that too. Also, my BMI is now 38.7. When I started NS it was 48.3!! When I hit 257.5 last week, that made my total weight loss 65lbs! That breaks down to 20.15% of my starting weight and 37.% of my highest known weight. Wouldn't it be great if I could lose another 15lbs by the end of the year?!?!?! Wouldn't it be great if I could get my ass in gear and start walking and/or Gazelle-ing again, like, TODAY??!?!?!??!

Updates: Last week, Mom reached a total of 30lbs lost!!! We're going to be one hot mom & daughter team!

HOPE YOU ALL ARE WELL!!

259

It's just a number, I know...a little three digit number, but you cannot imagine (okay, maybe some of you can) how AMAZING I felt looking down at the scale this morning and seeing that number. 259. My favorite part is the '5'. I mean, it could have said 259.99999999999999999999999999999999 and I would still have been thrilled.

I can say I weigh in the 250s now. Until it happened, I didn't realize how I truly believed it never would. 259. Crazy to think someone could be happy to weigh double what a "normal" woman should weigh. But as NS is teaching me, I can't compare myself to others. This is MY journey, my goals, my TRIUMPH! It's more amazing that I reached it while I've been in this post-condo slump. I haven't yet been able to get back on track in terms of working out; I've been incorporating much more 'regular' food into my daily habits (now that I have a mortgage, the $300+ a month for NS is a little tough); and I've only lost about 5-7lbs over the last 3 months! But 259. I think I'm going to play it in the Cash 3 tonight. Oh, and yesterday I put on and fit into, could sit and breathe in a pair of size 20 jeans. I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING!!! Maybe I really can meet my Halloween goal of 255..but even if I don't I AM OKAY! I actually want to go clothes shopping. I want to buy a sexy outfit for the holidays. If I could lose 10 pounds by the end of this year, I'd be in the 240s...considering I started this journey weighing 322.5, and a short 4 years ago weighed in excess of 409lbs, that would be just wonderful.

This is the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me...and I'm the one making it happen. How AWESOME is that!?!?

"When a goal matters enough to a person, the person will find a way to accomplish what at first seemed impossible."

A healthy weight matters enough to me; I WILL ACCOMPLISH MY GOAL!

Thanks, friends for supporting me through this and loving me either way!

TAGGED!

Thanks for the tag, Leigh! Here goes: I work as a legal secretary for two attorneys in a downtown Miami law firm.

1. What is the best thing about your workplace?

I get paid. I don't have to wear pantyhose, closed toe shoes or even "business attire". Heck, EVERY day is casual Friday and I have gone to work many a week wearing jeans every day. Plus, Starbucks is a 2 minute walk away! I get all legal holidays off with pay, including Jewish holidays...just call me Cassandre Goldstein!

2. What do you hate about your workplace?

This lunatic co-worker MAP who is the biggest busy body, two-faced, phony, ass-kissing, oversteps her boundaries, RUDE woman in my office. Honestly. I mean, I've worked there for 18 months and she is the only truly unpleasant aspect of my day.

3. What small irritance at your workplace really annoys you?

Refer to my answer for number 2.

4. Describe the actions/quirks of the weirdest person you work with?

Okay, back to MAP--she has this really annoying habit of ending every sentence with OK in that upspeak manner...you know what I mean. Every sentence ends up sounding like a question cause they all end in "OK?" And she has this quasi-speech impediment so it sounds that she's constantly sucking spit, or talking around a mouthful of spit and she sounds like Sesame Street's Ernie when she laughs: "Heeessh Heesh Heeesh"... She's such a PHONY!! And did I mention she was RUDE!?!

5. What is one thing that you would change at your workplace to make life a helluva lot better?

Ummmm, bigger paycheck, less work, less hours--hell, yes, I'm lazy! More cute male co-workers...masseuses to cater to my every need while I work.

OK, so now I'm tagging Julie, Jaime and Bob. Have at it, kiddies!

322.5/260/180

On the "Road" Again

Like I said yesterday, I'm trying desperately to get back on track with my weight loss. Monday, October 9th will mark 9 months on NutriSystem, and as of today I've lost a total of 61.5 pounds. It took me nearly 3 months to hit that particular goal (crossing the 60lbs lost mark and getting my new teal bear), and I must say it was VERY discouraging considering up until that point I'd been doing well. But that's in the past, I'm in the present and trying to make my future a bright one.

Since I didn't make my goal of reaching 260lbs by September 17th I'm revising my goals. I've got to keep them current and realistic--they keep me focused on something rather than just flailing around hoping I don't gain all the weight back.

Reach 255 by October 31, 2006 Halloween;

Reach 250 by November 15, 2006;

Reach 245 by November 30, 2006;

Reach 240 by December 25, 2006;

Reach 235 by January 9, 2007.

I CANNOT allow myself to lose sight of these goals: my goal to live a healthy and active lifestyle, to be healthy enough to have a child (if and when a potential father becomes involved), to not weigh more than the average NFL player, to be able to go on a rollercoaster without fear of being pulled out of line, to be able to wear a bathing suit without a huge cover-up T-shirt, etc. Plus, I just want to be SEXY!! lol.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~ Anais Nin

Thanks, Marlins!

Well, the Florida Marlins' season is over. It was my first season paying any sort of real attention to baseball and I learned A LOT. No one gave this team a chance; they were supposed to have lost 100 games at least. But we didn't. They set a number of individual, franchise and even MLB records, so it was a great season for such a young team. I was fortunate enough to be able to enjoy opening day with my friends Danny, Scott and Joe. These pictures are from last Friday's game against the Phillies, which is the last game I attended. I won the tickets from WQAM, a four pack of seats in the 3 row right behind the dugout PLUS an actual game ball! Now, what I love about this picture is that, for once, I don't look 20 times bigger than everyone else in the photo. I mean, the angle is perfect and actually makes me look like I'm a normal size. How EXCITING!!!

It's All Coming Together

Well, this is my mess. The living room set came from my mom's family room. It's 12 years old but for about 10 of them we weren't allowed to sit on them unless guests were over, so they're in pretty good shape. I wouldn't have picked them, but I think they go pretty well with the whole decor. As you can see, I'm using my microwave box as a coffee table. The dinette set is coming from my friend and will go in the space behind the love seat (where the ladder is now). I LOVE the way the tile came out. I was a little nervous, but I think it's a nice effect that looks like wood, but wasn't as expensive and doesn't require that same level of maintenance. The beautiful wall unit was a surprise gift from my mother (one of the MANY she's given me since I moved in). We had agreed that she would go with me to Rooms-To-Go to pick out a bedroom set because I didn't have a dresser or chest or nightstands or anything. So, the day before of our shopping trip I went to RTG online and showed her the wall units I was considering (the very same one you're looking pictured here). The next day I call her on my way home so we can meet for the store and after several calls with no answer, my sister calls to tell me that mom said something came up and I should go straight home...so I did and my bedroom set (which she'd purchased the day I closed on the condo) and my wall unit (that she'd picked two weeks before) were set up in my condo!!!! I was speechless. (And damn Danny for not spilling the beans cause he knew the whole time!) I don't have a picture of the whole bedroom set yet, but below is a pic of me in the bed. I was pretty tired, I guess. LOL

Progress Pics

The half bath is brick red

Kitchen is almost complete
Danny hard at work installing the ceiling fan, while Joe, his uncle Rob, his brother-in-law (I forget his name) and Scott watch and relax after a Marlins game. Danny really is THE MAN!!

Back with a Vengeance

"When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion" - Abraham Lincoln

I've been 'away' for a while now so here's what's been going on, in a nutshell:

1) The painting is complete. I am officially moved in. My condo is a mess.

2) I've started back on the Gazelle (3+ miles in 35 minutes for the last two days--first official workouts in nearly 3 months!!)

3) I've reached my lowest weight, 263.5, but did not make my September 17th goal. Ah well, that's life. Nothing is written in stone so I've revised my goals and now am working to reach 255 by Halloween. I'm also hoping to have my place cleaned up enough by then to have a house-warming/Halloween party. We'll see.

4) The Marlins' season is over. :-( But, damn, did those young 'uns play their asses off or what?

Since I started the move process I unhooked my computer and have not had one readily available for me to keep up on my blogging. And since I was soo consumed with the search for, the purchase and renovation of and the move into my condo, I was nowhere near as focused on my weight loss as I should have been. But I'm not going to beat myself up about it...I actually think of the time as a kind of victory because I was able to maintain my weight (and lose a measly pound) without killing myself with workouts or starving myself. It's something I was eventually going to have to learn anyway, I just thought I'd be at goal before I started worrying about maintaining.

But, I'm back, I'm focused and I'm hoping to lose another 15-20lbs by the end of this year.