Wednesday, May 31, 2006

A Watched Belly Never Shrinks :-(

"A watched belly never shrinks," said my wisecracker friend Scott. (Grrr. I should've smacked him.) But, I guess the sentiment is appropriate today as I report that NO, I did not meet my Memorial Day goal to reach 272.5lbs. I'm stuck, I think; I still haven't been able to lose that half-of-a-f*%&ing-pound!!!! Patience has never been a virtue of mine (not that I've ever considered myself particularly virtuous, despite 13 years of Catholic schooling). I realize there are many things to focus on, rather than the number on the scale--NSVs and all that. But this is the first mini-goal I've set that I didn't meet, and it's weird because I feel as though this is the one I've worked the hardest toward. Odd.

So, my assignment for myself today is to exercise my power of positive thinking. To ponder what I have accomplished rather than what I haven't. I have lost 49.5 lbs. For all intents and purposes, I've lost fifty friggin' pounds, and that ain't nuthin' to sneeze at!!

Thursday, May 25, 2006

"I Found [Me], Miss Nu Booty"

We all have that little something that drives us to continue on our weight loss journeys, but unlike many NSers, I don't have a heyday I'm trying to get back to. I wasn't cute and active in high school, counting on sports and a fast, youthful metabolism to keep me trim. I didn't marry my high school sweetheart, settle down and pack on love and pregnancy pounds. I didn't experience a tragic event during which I "lost myself" and found consolation in food and lethargy. I'm not going to some family/school reunion soon, not trying to fit into a wedding dress or a new bikini for the summer, and I'm certainly well past the "baby fat" stage. I have been big, fat, obese, chunky, big-boned, or whatever euphemism you want to use, my ENTIRE life!! OK, I admit I was born at 5lbs, 6oz; but I was overweight as early as 2 years old.

In a nutshell?
-- I was put on my first diet at age 5 when I weighed 78lbs.
-- The month after my 11th birthday my mom and I spent 7 weeks at a Weight Watchers camp; I weighed in at 237 lbs. I weighed a good 20 lbs more than my mother (who, obviously, was there cause she was overweight too).
-- When I was measured for my 8th grade graduation gown (age 12), I weighed 330lbs. (I can still remember the look on my teacher's face--Mrs. O'Sullivan, my grammar guru--who was absolutely mortified to learn one of her students weighed 3 times as much as she did!)
-- I spent nearly 10 years only knowing that I weighed "350+ lbs" cause the scale at the doctor's office (or anywhere else I went), didn't go past 350.
-- When I graduated college in December, 2001, I weighed 409lbs.
-- The summer of 2002 (age 27) I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and, hooray, I dropped more than a hundred pounds! I reached 286lbs. I felt positively svelte!!
-- The summer of 2003 (age 28) I developed a very large blood clot in my left leg, spent 8 days in the hospital, almost 2 months in bed and in a wheelchair, and eventually my weight creeped back up to nearly 330lbs.
-- Until recently, I don't remember EVER weighing less than any member of my family.

Earlier this month, one of my bosses gave me a gift certificate to Macy's for my birthday, with the suggestion/instruction that I get some "clothes that fit." I'd told myself I wouldn't buy any new clothes until everything I or my mother owned were just falling off me. But, hey, she's my boss, so I listened and went to Macy's with my mom. Now, even though I knew that had a Women's department in terms of plus sizes (my mom shops there), I always felt the clothes were "too old" for me and waaay out of my budget. Boy, was I wrong!! I came away with 2 pair of Tommy Hilfiger jeans (and I don't care that black people aren't supposed to buy Tommy stuff--I'm ECSTATIC that I have anything other than perfume or a headband by Tommy that I can wear!), and two "summery" blouses. The jeans were on sale. I paid $10.25 for these button-down size 24W (they fit the time); and $8.25 for the size 22--I bought those as incentive. Well, the 24s are now nearly too big and though I wouldn't wear them yet, I can sit and still breathe in the 22s (they're cut smaller than the other 22s I have). I also had to buy new underwear (panties that are too big bunch up when you walk--not comfy; like a wedgie times 10!). And not only did I lose inches in my bust, I lost an entire cup size in my bra! I am NOT happy about that!! Oh, well. ;-)

I know I have soooo far to go on this thing--still over 90lbs to lose--but I feel sooo GREAT about myself and my body. I've started a cocoa butter regimen: cocoa butter soap, after shower body oil and firming butter. The vitamin E is supposed to help reduce the appearance of stretch marks and preserve my skin's elasticity. Because I take blood thinners, I don't intend on having any kind of surgery, so I gotta work on it naturally. I've already developed "poochy"-looking skin in my belly area. Oh, and I've LOST A ROLL!!! My belly had 3 distinct rolls and now the bottom two are merged. It sounds gross, but it makes me sooooo happy. I'm moving from a keg belly, to a two 2-liter belly, to a 2-liter belly and eventually to six-pack abs!!! LOL. It can sooo be done! Did anyone see this week's People magazine with the winners of their summer weight loss contest? Well, plan on getting next year's issue because I intend to be in it!!

Anyway, that's all for now; guess I had to make up for nearly 3 weeks of silence. This Sunday will end 20 weeks on NS. I wish I could lose another 3lbs by then; if I do, I'll have lost 50 lbs in 20 weeks. But because I'm feeling so good, I'm not going to focus on the time it takes me to reach my goals, just on reaching them period. In this picture I'm wearing one of my new blouses and a pair of 22W jeans that have the cutest silver details on the back pockets. This is the "smallest" I've been for as long as I can remember. From here on out, it's all about finding the REAL Cassandre! Just call me Miss NuBooty!! :-)

We Are Family!

Just wanted to share a couple of pics of my beautiful family. The ones outside were taken on Mother's Day at Monty's. From left to right: my mom (down 19lbs), my sister/goddaughter Ashley (the only one of us without a weight problem), and my sister Marilyn (she's going to be a lawyer next year!!). The other is of me and my brother Patrick at one of the Heat games. I promise you I have posed for more pictures in the last 3 months than I have in the last 3 years!!! I guess I'm no longer hiding from the camera. It's a nice feeling.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

I'm Still Here!

I know it's been quite a while since I've posted anything. I've been soo busy going to Miami Heat games, watching the Florida Marlins lose (but we're on an upswing--we just swept the Cubs!) and, of course, working out! Anyway, just a quick post about NSVs. The pictures above were both taken at Heat games (with my friend Rich): the top one on 5/2/06 and the 2nd on 5/16/06--exactly 2 weeks apart. OK, now is it just me, or can you totally see a difference in my face?! (even if you can't, I can and that's all that matters!!! ;-)

More posts coming soon...

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Mayday, Mayday! But, I'm OK!

So, yesterday was my 31st birthday, and I celebrated by spending nearly the entire day in bed...sleeping. But that's only 'cause I was absolutely and utterly exhausted!!! You see, I'd been celebrating since Friday. I mean, how convenient was it to start off my birthday weekend with Cinco de Mayo?!

So, Friday night after work I went to Monty's for Happy Hour. What a mad house! All the 'kids' out of school and out to celebrate a national drinking holiday (I say kids 'cause they all looked so young, but they were obviously at least 21). I had a great time with the help of a couple of Bacardi and diet cokes. I was in an especially light-hearted mood because of a pair of hot pink pants. [That morning as I got ready for work, I realized I had absolutely NOTHING to wear--all my work pants are too big. So, in a panic, I went rummaging through my mom's closet for something to wear, when this bright glare from the right side of the closet nearly blinded me. I pulled out a pair of brand new (tags attached), hot pink, Size 22W pants. As the clock neared 8:00 (the time that I should leave my house if I hope to have any chance of getting to work and Starbucks before 9AM), I pulled on those bright-ass pants...up over the hips they slid (easily), zipped up and snapped shut, with breathing room to spare--my first size 22 anything since I was in my pre-teens!!! My lowest weight in high school had me wearing (squeezing into) 22/24s and that was when I was a senior.]

OK, so back to the festivities: I left Monty's fairly early. My plan was to drink and party at home for the rest of the evening 'cause I don't like to be driving on the road with crazy drunk people and I like, even less, being one of those crazy drunk people driving on the road. A couple of friends came over and we jammed. It was cool. Later that night I binged on Dunkin' Donuts...I had a coffee coolata and 3 cookies. {sigh}

Saturday morning I recuperated, got up and started prepping to party that night. Danny agreed to make me a special birthday dinner and I'd decided on grilled salmon and pasta. One of my "gifts" to myself was to go off the wagon until Tuesday--no Nutrisystem anything--no yogurt, no cucumbers, no apples, no plain tuna/chicken out of a can, no green peppers, no oatmeal, no NS meals PERIOD!!! Honestly, I was sooo sick of the same thing every day that I had to give myself a reprieve. Dinner was great!!! I chowed down on a wedge of brie with French bread for appetizer, had angelhair pasta with asparagus, seared salmon and fresh garlic bread. I was in heaven. Later that night I binged on a KitKat and 4 Chips Ahoy cookies. {sigh}

Sunday morning I rolled over around noon and got a call to meet some friends at the 1:00PM Marlins game against the St. Louis Cardinals. My first and only meal of the day came around 5pm and was leftover pasta with salmon. That night friends came over and I drank...but by then I had finally ingested my fill of rum and diet coke. We heralded in my b-day at midnight, and that basically brings me back to my lazy Monday in bed.

I was more than ready to get "back on track" this morning, Day 120 on NS. In the back of my mind all weekend, I worried that my binge would negate all the hard work I've done over the past 4 months and that I should feel extremely guilty for all my food indiscretions. But I don't feel guilty. I felt like I had a handle on it all. I had 4 work-out free days, 3 NS-free days, and I AM OK. I walked at lunch today; I will workout later and again tomorrow and so on. NS has truly changed my life...and me.