Thursday, June 29, 2006

Another One Bites The Dust!!

Not to pat myself on the back or anything (but, of course I'm going to anyway), but I have reached my July 4th goal 5 days early!!! I am kicking some serious fat booty! Today I weighed in at 267.5. I got on the scale and looked down...and FREAKED. I got off. I got back on and looked down...and freaked AGAIN. I got off. I got back on and looked down and it said 266.5!!!!! I told myself not to get greedy and look a gift horse in the mouth, so I'm sticking with 267.5. I'm just so psyched to have broken into the '60s. After my little diet-breakdown a couple of weeks ago, this victory was a much-needed boost. It means I was able to survive and get back on track with minimal damage to and delay of my ultimate goal.

Next goal is to reach 265.5 by July 8th, which is Day 180 on NS. I know two pounds in 8 days seems a given, but my TOM is on its way. Oh, well. Nevertheless, today is a great day. Hope you all are well!

"When a goal matters enough to a person, that person will find a way to accomplish what at first seemed impossible" - Nido Qubein
(I 'stole' this quote from Tressa's blog--thanks, Tressa!!)

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Good Times II

I'm soo excited! Last night I went to the Hard Rock Seminole Casino and won $285 in less than 10 minutes!!! These pics were taken before I left for my night out. The black shirt was one I found in my laundry minutes before I got dressed. It's not my shirt, it's my sister's and IT FITS!!! Like, it even buttoned all the way down without threat of popping when I sat down. Obviously, now it's my new favorite lucky shirt!!

Good Times

My co-worker Maria and I at the parade celebrating the Miami Heat NBA Championship Title! The bottom photo is of my friend Kenny and me at Monty's.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

In A Nutshell...

"The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it."
John Ruskin

I must keep in mind that my weight loss journey is not about the guys who may start to pay attention to me once I hit goal, or the clothes I'll be able to wear, or the chairs I'll be able to sit in. It's about the Cassandre who for the first time in her life set a goal (albeit at times a seemingly unattainable one) and reached it; the Cassandre who no longer has "no willpower," the Cassandre who dug deep and found inner strength, discipline and motivation to overcome obstacles; the Cassandre who has started to talk about herself in the third-person...LOL

Wednesday, June 21, 2006



Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Mommy Update

My mother has finally broken the 20lb mark and has lost a total of 22lbs!!!!! Success breeds success. I can't wait 'til we go shopping for our New Year's outfits. We'll be smokin' HOT!!

Why Do We Make It So Hard?

"In this age, which believes that there is a short cut to everything, the greatest lesson to be learned is that the most difficult way is, in the long run, the easiest."
Henry Miller
I'm sure I'm not the only one who's been seduced by the promise of the "quick fix." I've tried many fad diets and even tried Phen-Fen, damaging my heart in the process. Each time I dropped 10-30lbs, I eventually gained 30-60+ back. I resisted the idea that "diet and exercise" would cure me. I mean, really. How many times did I have to hear it: every truly successful diet guru, health nut, doctor, etc. The message has always been the same: eat a low fat diet and exercise regularly. But, noooooo. It certainly couldn't be as easy as all that. Surely, I'd rather eat 14 grapefruits a day; or eat chicken & fish Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, then vegetables & fruits on the other days. How 'bout I starve myself for a week? A head of lettuce and a Snicker's bar daily? Or wait, it might be easier to try and throw up those last 3 tacos, 20 Oreos and pint of ice cream that I consumed in 60 minutes flat. No, no, no. Even better, why don't I just lay myself on a gurney and let them cut into me, shrink/staple/deform my stomach and intestines so that I have to take 42 vitamins an hour, drink 14 gallons of water and pray that when I'm 50 all the side effects we don't know about yet don't start to kick in. Why not drink a gallon of some foul-tasting pseudo-cherry-flavored concoction that celebrities use to "flush" the weight away? Here's one? How 'bout I travel to a foreign country and try to 'catch' a tape worm that could just eat my fat from the inside out!! Or I could just go get a colon-cleansing, because surely ALL this fat is just a pile of shit waiting to be pushed out. Getting stranded on a boat for a month with nothing but water to drink and raw fish to eat? (Hey, it worked for Tom Hanks in Castaway!) But eat a low fat diet and exercise? Are you kidding me?? That's just waaaay too hard!
Are those of us who struggle with weight issues really that dumb? I mean, no offense, but has NutriSystem really taught us anything we didn't already know? Did we not know about a balanced diet including fruits and vegetables, protein and good carbs? Did we not know about the benefits of drinking 8 eight-ounce glasses of water a day? Did we never hear that we should exercise for 30 minutes 3-4 a week? Was it news to learn that we must eat breakfast? About the importance of portion-control? About eating several times a day in order to keep our metabolism going? Frankly, if any of it was news to any of you, you've been living under a rock for, like, your entire life.
But, in effect, we were. Once the weight problem took hold, no matter how long ago it did or why, we became ostriches. We buried our heads in the sand. We justified our condition and gave ourselves a pass:
It's okay that I'm like this, I've had 3 kids;
It's okay that I'm fat, I'm big-boned;
It's okay that I'm fat, everyone in my family is too;
It's okay that I'm fat, God made us all in different shapes and sizes;
It's okay that I'm obese, I've always been this way;
It's okay that I'm fat, everyone loves me anyway and I'm happy with who I am;
It's okay that I'm killing myself, because I don't care anymore.
Excuses, excuses, excuses. Not reasons, excuses. Lies, might even be a better word.
Because, IT'S NOT OKAY!!!! I'm tired of telling myself I can do no better, of limiting myself, of giving up. I am not yet dead. Life is a journey, it is about progress and moving forward. How fulfilling is my life if at the tender age of 31 if I am content to just give up?! My weight issues have negatively affected my psyche, the development of my self-esteem (or lack thereof), my perspective on our society, my ENTIRE life. Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn't been fat growing up. Would the kids have picked me to play? Would I have focused more on my studies, instead of trying to make friends so I wouldn't be ostracized as the "fat nerd"? Would I have gotten kissed at my Sweet Sixteen party? Would I have been asked to the prom? Would I have been homecoming queen? Would I have gotten the lead in the school play? Would I be the married mother of two, owner of the 4/3 home with the white picket fence and a dog? Would I be happy?
Who knows? What I do know is that I cannot change my past; I can only focus on my future, and I have the power to make it a happy one. I still have about 90+lbs to lose, but my outlook on life and my self is soo much better than when I started. Maybe that's what NutriSystem has given me: the tools to look at myself objectively and accept that I have the power within myself to do what I want and be who I want.
All of that to get to this: low fat diet + regular exercise = weight loss success.
"In this age, which believes that there is a short cut to everything, the greatest lesson to be learned is that the most difficult way is, in the long run, the easiest." --Henry Miller

Monday, June 19, 2006



Sunday, June 18, 2006

My New Favorite Number!!

Drumroll, please.....

I AM DOWN 51 (and a half) POUNDS IN 23 WEEKS!!!

Thursday, June 15, 2006


Yes, I'm still alive...I know, I know. It's been a while.

I had a bad week -- a really bad week. The 8 days (from June 5th until June 12) were TERRIBLE. It started with my TOM, which brought on some horrible cramps (as usual), but then the tension in my lower back just started getting worse and worse until I could hardly sit up or stand up straight. So, needless to say my workouts were non-existent. And since I was on my period, I felt the urge to eat EVERYTHING. I don't think one NS meal touched my lips during those eight days. I ate Taco Bell, Papa John's pizza, chinese food, lots of sushi, lots of cashews, lots of home-cooked Haitian food, lots of ice cream, etc. I felt like such a COW!! And the worst part, during the whole thing I kept cringing just watching all my old habits creep (heck, they FLEW) back into my life--it was sooo easy not to work out, not to drink my water, not to watch my portions, and not to weigh myself every morning. See how even after 5 months of discipline and success I could watch it all go up in smoke in a matter of 8 really lousy week??!!?! Very, very scary.

Around the same time I started having some personal issues that have deeply affected me -- dysfunctional family and relationship issues (either one alone is bad enough). I felt soo low that I thought to myself, "What difference does it make how much weight I lose? I'm still going to be single, unhappy and unlovable." And what did those thoughts make me do? EAT MORE SHIT!!

Tuesday I told myself I'd had ENOUGH!! I was not about to let my issues over some guy, or my dysfunctional family derail everything I've worked so hard to achieve over these last 150+days. That's more than 1/3 of the year!! Screw him if he doesn't want me now! When I get to where I want to be, he's going to be sorry he passed me up!!!

So, I know you're all just dying to know what happened when I faced the scale for the first time in 8 days. Well, I gained 12 MOTHER-F*%$ING pounds!!! Now, I tried not to freak out too much 'cause it's been normal for me to gain anywhere from 6-10 lbs during my monthly, but 12?!?!?! That put me back at 285, and I was so hoping to stay out of the 280s for good. But those are the consequences of "letting myself go," and now I have to take care of the issue before the 12 turns to 21 or more. So, Tuesday I aimed for a 100% day: drank all my water, stayed on NS food, walked 2 miles with my dog and did 20 minutes on the Gazelle. Wednesday morning weight? 280. Good. This morning's weight? 276.5. Better. Maybe I'll even be able to get back on track for my July 4th goal. I won't hold my breath cause that's another 9 pounds over the next 3 weeks, but we'll see. Until yesterday, I didn't really understand how much the working out helps me deal with stress and helps me relax. I need a punching bag on which I can take out my aggression in an active manner--maybe I should try Taebo.

Now, for what's really important: tonight is Game 4 of the NBA Finals and the Miami Heat are down a game. They HAVE to win tonight!!! And I'm taking my lessons from that Dwyane Wade Converse commercial (or that old Japanese proverb) that reminds me that it's okay to fall 7 times so long as I get up 8.

My Own Worst Enemy...


Saturday, June 03, 2006



Thursday, June 01, 2006

Anything Helps...

The Plan to Be Lookin' Fly in July!

June 1. The first day of the month and the first day of my journey toward my current mini goal. Target? 267.5lbs by July 4th (Day 176 on NS). That's 7.5lbs for the month (actually, 33 days). I've got to take into account that now that my body's getting used to the increased activity and decreased calories, my rate of loss is slowing down. I don't want to be over zealous and set unattainable targets. These goals are meant to focus me; not to daunt me or set me up for failure. I just want this FRIGGIN' FAT gone already!!!!!
"A watched belly never shrinks" my ass!! LOL! ;-)