Thursday, June 15, 2006


Yes, I'm still alive...I know, I know. It's been a while.

I had a bad week -- a really bad week. The 8 days (from June 5th until June 12) were TERRIBLE. It started with my TOM, which brought on some horrible cramps (as usual), but then the tension in my lower back just started getting worse and worse until I could hardly sit up or stand up straight. So, needless to say my workouts were non-existent. And since I was on my period, I felt the urge to eat EVERYTHING. I don't think one NS meal touched my lips during those eight days. I ate Taco Bell, Papa John's pizza, chinese food, lots of sushi, lots of cashews, lots of home-cooked Haitian food, lots of ice cream, etc. I felt like such a COW!! And the worst part, during the whole thing I kept cringing just watching all my old habits creep (heck, they FLEW) back into my life--it was sooo easy not to work out, not to drink my water, not to watch my portions, and not to weigh myself every morning. See how even after 5 months of discipline and success I could watch it all go up in smoke in a matter of 8 really lousy week??!!?! Very, very scary.

Around the same time I started having some personal issues that have deeply affected me -- dysfunctional family and relationship issues (either one alone is bad enough). I felt soo low that I thought to myself, "What difference does it make how much weight I lose? I'm still going to be single, unhappy and unlovable." And what did those thoughts make me do? EAT MORE SHIT!!

Tuesday I told myself I'd had ENOUGH!! I was not about to let my issues over some guy, or my dysfunctional family derail everything I've worked so hard to achieve over these last 150+days. That's more than 1/3 of the year!! Screw him if he doesn't want me now! When I get to where I want to be, he's going to be sorry he passed me up!!!

So, I know you're all just dying to know what happened when I faced the scale for the first time in 8 days. Well, I gained 12 MOTHER-F*%$ING pounds!!! Now, I tried not to freak out too much 'cause it's been normal for me to gain anywhere from 6-10 lbs during my monthly, but 12?!?!?! That put me back at 285, and I was so hoping to stay out of the 280s for good. But those are the consequences of "letting myself go," and now I have to take care of the issue before the 12 turns to 21 or more. So, Tuesday I aimed for a 100% day: drank all my water, stayed on NS food, walked 2 miles with my dog and did 20 minutes on the Gazelle. Wednesday morning weight? 280. Good. This morning's weight? 276.5. Better. Maybe I'll even be able to get back on track for my July 4th goal. I won't hold my breath cause that's another 9 pounds over the next 3 weeks, but we'll see. Until yesterday, I didn't really understand how much the working out helps me deal with stress and helps me relax. I need a punching bag on which I can take out my aggression in an active manner--maybe I should try Taebo.

Now, for what's really important: tonight is Game 4 of the NBA Finals and the Miami Heat are down a game. They HAVE to win tonight!!! And I'm taking my lessons from that Dwyane Wade Converse commercial (or that old Japanese proverb) that reminds me that it's okay to fall 7 times so long as I get up 8.

1 comment:

Jamie said...

Hey Cass! We have ALL been there! I just recently had to redirect myself back to the healthy eating. I have yet to regain the exercise part. It is frightening how we can just throw everything we learned out the window when so many outside interferences(sp) become involved.

The important thing is that you were able to put on the brakes and restart! That is the key! And look at all you've lost already. Lots of salt and water gain is all it was. So don't sweat it! Actually Sweat it ! Alot!! LOL

I have 7 pounds to lose by July 4th. We can do this. I am going to exercise daily thinking that you are right across the U.S. exercising with me. I will definately be checking in on or around July 4th. You can do this!

We can do this!!!!