Wednesday, November 07, 2007


It's been more than 6 months since I was last fully committed to NS. I started the program in January, 2006 and had a great start. I lost about 60 pounds in 7 months and looked and felt better than I EVER have. However, amid all the accolades and compliments, new clothes and celebratory drinks, I became complacent and while I've managed to maintain my weight within 10 lbs of my lowest point, I've lost muscle, become flabbier and feel about as out of shape as I did when I started - 62lbs ago. Not good.

There's an LA Fitness that's literally across the street from where I live, but because I've been overweight--actually OBESE--my ENTIRE life I've always felt intimidated by gyms...I mean, when you look like me, who wants to walk into a Bally's commercial with all the hardbodies dressed in skimpy spandex?! This thought has kept me away from the gym like it's toxic. I've realized that what was toxic was my own thinking: I poisoned my own mind which resulted in me staying unfit, unhealthy and unhappy!!

Therefore, I've decided to start cleansing my mind, body and spirit. I need to recapture the enthusiasm and discipline with which I began this program and use that momentum to propel me to my goal. Two weeks ago I joined LA Fitness and also signed up for a personal trainer, two times a month. I 've done as much as I could do on my own with NS; I have to step up the exercise and work on strengthening and toning my body. My ultimate goal is not just a number on the scale--it's a healthy mindset and lifestyle. For a while now I've been slacking on the things that helped me achieve my initial success: logging onto the NS website daily, reading the Daily Doses, chatting with other members about their journeys, blogging about my own journey. I'm going back to what works. If I work the program, the weight will come off. Wish me luck!

Wednesday, May 02, 2007


I started Nutrisystem last January with a goal of losing 142.5lbs which would have me weighing 180. It was a HUGE-MONGOUS, insurmountable mountain that I thought I could never climb. Well, as of today I've reached the top of my mountain! I weighed 251 this morning for a total of 71.5lbs lost -- I'M HALF WAY THERE!! I'm standing at the top and it's all downhill from here...but in a good way. By no means am I implying that it's going to be easy going from here on out -- on the contrary, it presents many new challenges. Yes, I've changed enough to where I understand the need for and don't dread working out regularly. I'm able to go out to restaurants and family celebrations and still watch my eating (not perfectly, but definitely in control). However, since everyone's been soo supportive and encouraging and full of compliments about my success up to this point, it's hard not to get complacent. I'm the smallest I've ever been as an adult and I weigh only 14lbs more than I did when I was 11 years old and weighed in for fat camp. I have to keep going, I have to keep finding new workouts, not get lazy; my worst temptation now is not food, but contentment. Yes, I now wear a size 18 shirt and 20 pants. Yes, I can go pretty much anywhere and not worry that I won't be able to fit in the seats. If I got on a plane, I might not even have to ask for a seatbelt extender...but there is still soooo much work to do. It's taken me 16 months to lose half of what I need to. Obviously, to be ultimately successful I must commit for the long, forever, dude! No matter what, I'm not going backwards! I going down the mountain and I'm going to reach goal.

My Sister's A Lawyer!!

Congratulations to my sister, Marilyn, for accomplishing such a wonderful goal. She just graduated from Florida A&M University Law School. We're all very proud. And I just love my new blue dress bought especially for the occasion (it's an 18/20!!!) For more pictures click here:

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Beanie Inspiration

My "Grateful for NS" Bears!! Pounds 10-70!

Sixteen Months In

Sometimes I get discouraged thinking "Why can't I lose it all now?" or "Damn, I still have more to lose than I've already lost" or "What's the point, I'm always going to be fat". I've learned that when I'm feeling defeatist I have to remind myself of all those cliches we all hate soo much cause they're true: "Rome wasn't built in a day", "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step", "Nothing worth achieving is easy", "Slow and steady wins the race". All true --Plus, a couple of progress pics never hurt. Week 2 versus today. Just call me the Incredible Shrinking Woman! Thank you soooo much, Leigh. I'm going to get you some pom-poms cause you've been a wonderful cheerleader!

Friday, April 13, 2007

Thanks, Leigh!

One of my NS Buddies, Leigh, with whom I've been chatting, commiserating, blogging and working NutriSystem with since early on in my journey, sent me this picture today. I LOVE the support NS provides. I've made friends with virtual strangers who, whether they 'know' me or not, understand me better than a lot of people who've known me for years. Maybe not every detail or nuance of my life history, but they understand the 'core' of me because my weight has affected, even determined, so many aspects of my life and shaped so many experiences that only those who've been through similar experiences can appreciate. We don't judge each other, berate or belittle each other; we lift each other up when we need help, praise each other for success and encourage each other to continue the path toward a healthy, active and ultimately satisfying lifestyle. I'd like to actually take a current picture wearing the same gear I was wearing in the first photo (in which I weighed 313.5 -- it was day 11 on NS) so I can really see the change. Notice how everything's smaller...except my smile!!!! THANKS, LEIGH!!!

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Making a Difference in Me

"I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be honorable, to be compassionate. It is, after all, to matter: to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all." – Leo Rosten
What matters to me most right now is getting my body and mind in sync so as to be stronger and healthier physically and spiritually. Yesterday I got made it to the end of the TaeBo workout for the second time. I've been doing it for about a week and though I'm still sore, I can now move without whimpering. Billy Blanks' workout is incredibly intense and and though he looks very scary, he's very encouraging. "You gotta give some to get some" is basically his motto. He challenges me to focus on the workout and appreciate the doing (or even trying) things I never thought I could. And each time I do it, I'm able to complete one or two more reps of various exercises than I was the previous time. That's progress. Another NSV (non-scale victory) shows in my picture. Not the beautiful Titleville Gator Chompionship T-shirt, but rather the denim shorts: they are size 18!!!! 18, 18, 18!!!!! Oh, and the shirt is only an XL, rather than the XXL or XXXL (if I was lucky) that I usually have to buy. Oh, hallelujah!!!
I forgot how much support NS gives...maybe I thought that since I'd been on the program for over a year, I could handle it on my own. Well, obviously, I was mistaken. I was reading some comments on my guestbook on my NS profile page and I was nearly in tears. Virtual strangers extolling my virtues, commending my discipline, calling me an inspiration!! Me?! ... I think I needed some of that.
It's my TOM, which I'd like to believe sparked my emotional breakdown this weekend. Perhaps, I can chalk it all up to PMS and moodiness rather than being a lovesick puppy who is slow to heal. However, a friend sent me the following quote by Fran├žois de La Rochefoucauld "The heart is forever making the head its fool," and I found it to be very true in my case. I KNOW intellectually what to do and how to handle moving on, but my heart keeps wanting to make excuses for his behavior: he's stressed, depressed, tired, over-worked, underpaid, in debt, whatever. But I have to stop focusing on him or what's wrong with me. It's all about what's right with me.
So, in addition to the TaeBo I've been adding extra protein to my diet: sliced turkey, boiled eggs, etc. I've also started using South Beach Diet high protein cereal bars -- the peanut butter one tastes great -- and some of their lunches. Their entrees are significantly higher in protein and since I don't think I'd been eating enough to offset the calories I was burning, I'm hoping this will help boost me into the 240s and soon. My next mini-challenge that will start Monday will be to reach 245 by May 8th, my birthday goal. I want to start getting into more size 18 clothing. Wish me luck!!

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Marlins' Home Opener

Well, I've become a baseball fan (really a Marlins fan) over the last couple seasons. Here are pics of the home opener tradition my friends started last year. Unfortunately, there's one less of us than last year as Scott is now in Michigan, but he was with us in spirit...and on the phone. [See April 25, 2006 blog entitled Montage II for comparison pics!]

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Keeping Hope Alive

I certainly hope that how I've been feeling lately is temporary... I'm not sure how much I can handle before I completely lose my sense of self. I know I make it sound much more dire than it is, but the fact is I'm still having a very tough emotional time as a result of my recent break-up. My friend Trudy has reminded me that a break-up is "the loss of a loved one" which requires grieving, a mourning period that lasts longer than a day or two or even a week or two. I thought I would (at least I wanted to) be able to move on with as much ease as Rich has. Danny has seen him around and says he seems fine: not so depressed or bad off that he can't go to work or hang out with his friends, though that's what he told me the problem was: that he's soo depressed he can't possibly explain to me the pain he's in; how his mom's cancer is spreading; how he's barely seen his daughter in the last month; how he's soo messed up that ANY relationship he tried to be in would be doomed; that he thanks me for helping him find a job, but that he really needed to focus on more important personal priorities right now; how he can't be a boyfriend to me..."maybe friends"; how if I really loved him like I said, I'd go to WebMD and look up the symptoms of depression instead of making everything about me when I take his actions personally (all of which he tells me by text message)--HOW COULD I NOT TAKE THEM PERSONALLY??!?!? He told me he loved me, that he thought I was special and wanted to make a life with me, that he wanted his daughter to get to know me and start getting used to me because I was part of his life. He told me he wanted to have children with me, said he thought I'd be a great mother (and I as I rapidly approach the ripe old maid age of 32, you may see how important that is/was to me). He told me he wanted to be in a position to help me so that I could go to law school; he felt that I'm smart enough and wanted to help me so we could make a future we both wanted. I've known this guy for nearly 15 years; he was my 'first'; it took him 13 years to tell me he loved me and then he takes it all away six months later. How can he go on about his life like nothing happened when there are times I can barely find the energy to get out of bed, dress myself and go to work? Why am I not angrier instead of being soo fucking hurt? And when I do feel angry it's at myself rather than him: I'm upset that I let him dupe me...when he first told me how he felt, I resisted; so much so that he said he felt I didn't love him enough. Then I committed, and apparently, that was my downfall. I gave him everything; denied him nothing, and he walked away without a glance back. And here I am alone and grieving...
...but I'm still here. Which brings me back to HOPE. I do believe what I feel right now is temporary (Please, GOD, let it be temporary!). I want to remember that just because he's not with me doesn't mean I'm alone. I have tried to listen to my friends' advice not to spend time and energy trying to figure out what I did wrong. Maybe we were just wrong for each other. I just thought that after all the time we've known each other and what we supposedly meant to each other, I deserved better than to be dumped by way of a text message (That ranks right up there with Phil Collins divorcing his wife by fax!) I KNOW the romantic relationship is over, but I did think we were friends. I don't sleep with, go on trips with or let mere acquaintances live with me. The point is that I can't expect my hurt feelings to just go away. Obviously, the relationship meant a lot more to me than it did to him. What I'm trying to do now is pay attention to his text that said it was time to focus on more personal priorities: for me, my weight and doing well enough at work so that one day I can go to law school. Makes me sad because he was soo encouraging of my weight loss, he was even the catalyst that helped me to get back on track 3 months ago so that I lost 23.5lbs since January 23. I want to try new things that will help me focus on ME...not what's wrong with me, but what's right. Right now my new thing is to utilize the muscle confusion principle. Basically, I feel my body has adjusted to my cardio workouts (Gazelle and walking) and though I sweat and feel great afterward, I needed a boost. So, I purchased a TaeBo DVD...the shortest one I could find which is about 36 minutes. I've done it 4 times and I still haven't seen how it ends. Let me tell you, I sweat as much after 15 minutes of TaeBo than 40 minutes on the Gazelle or even a 4-mile walk! And for Easter weekend I was sooo friggin' SORE!! I mean, sitting down, getting in and out of my car...OOOWWWW!!! Now, I can move without whimpering, but barely. But it's an AMAZING workout and Billy Blanks really pumps you up. Hopefully, I'll be tackling this workout for a while and see what difference it makes after 3 or 4 months. I also bought a balance ball, which is soo fun. Back in the day I would have NEVER tried to get on what amounts to a big balloon, but to my surprise it has a weight capacity of 300lbs..and I'm not that close to 300 anymore, am I?! :-) It's a great stretch and muscle strengthener and it improves my balance and body control, but it's mostly just fun rolling around on it. LOL.
So, now, like the Reverend Jesse Jackson, my motto is "keep hope alive." I KNOW I'm going to get past this, it's just a matter of when. Soon, I hope. Even writing this blog post was an important step because I've been soo down I haven't even felt like writing, talking on the phone or doing anything social other than drinking. Not good for the diet or me. But, one step at a time.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007



Sunday, March 25, 2007



I Believe...

I believe -
... that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other; and just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I believe -
... that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I believe -
... that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I believe -
... that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes true for love.

I believe -
... that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I believe -
... that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I believe -
... that you should always leaved loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I believe -
... that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I believe -
... that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe -
... that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe -
... that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I believe -
... that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe -
... that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I believe -
... that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe -
... that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I believe -
... that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe -
... that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe -
... that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I believe -
... that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe -
... that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I believe -
... two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I believe -
... that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I believe -
... that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I believe -
... that credentials on the wall don't make you a decent human being.

I believe -
... that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I believe -
... that I have just shared this with all the people I believe in.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Friday's Message

Break the rules,
Forgive quickly,
Kiss slowly,
Love truly,
Laugh uncontrollably,
and never regret anything that made you smile.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Wake Up!

"You wake up and realize some people just aren't worth your time and you give way more than you get.... People only appreciate what you do for them but won't do it in return .... and take for granted that what was there today will be there always.... Today is a new day.... :-)"

This sentiment was posted by my friend (from grade school) Myra's myspace. I thought it particularly appropriate to what I've been going through lately and wanted to share it with you all. Thanks, Myra.

Let's just be kind to one that soo hard? Like my dear grandfather, Dante, used to say (in his thick Haitian accent), "You be nice to me; I'll be nice to you." It really is as simple as that.

Monday, March 12, 2007

March Madness!

Old business: He finally called. We've talked. That's really all I want to say about it now. Thanks to all of you for your sympathy and support over the past month; I've come out the other side and I couldn't have done it without you!

New business: March Madness Challenge!

"When you have a great and difficult task, something perhaps almost impossible, if you only work a little at a time, every day a little, suddenly the work will finish itself."
– Isak Dinesen
My "Fabulous February Finale" challenge to reach 255.5lbs by February 28 fizzled before it started. The good news is that despite my emotional difficulties these last couple of weeks, I continued working out regularly and watching my food intake and the perseverence has paid off: Saturday morning, March 10, 2007 I weighed 255.5lbs!!! WOOHOOO!!! I can't even begin to tell you how thrilled I was to see that number on the scale. I FEEL GREAT!! It just reminds me that if I do what I'm supposed to do everyday, even if it doesn't seem to be making a difference, it IS!
That success has galvanized me and I'm ready to spring forward into my next goal: "March Madness Challenge to Weigh 249". There are 19 days left in March, but I'm not going to stress over the timeline. The point is to reach the goal, and I don't care if it happens a few days early or a few days late, so long as I succeed. Ultimately, I'd like to be able to fit into a size 18W pants/jeans by my birthday (May 8), which means I'd probably need to weigh about 240-245. I can do this if I just focus, FOCUS, FOCUS!
Friday's Daily Dose entitled "I Changed My Mind" struck a chord with me. The gist? Weight loss changes not only one's physical appearance, but the way one thinks as well. It's happening to me. For example, over the past few months I've desired to spend more time outdoors: I want to go to the beach, the park, DisneyWorld, etc. I want to wear tank tops and shorts and go to baseball games. I want to visit Europe and walk the streets of Italy, Paris and/or London, not worrying that I'll get too tired. Til now, my favorite activities have been to hole up at home reading a book or watching TV. But now, I have ENERGY and I want to get out and explore. I also don't find myself spending as much time worrying that other people are staring at and making fun of me as I walk down the street. Progress. ;-)
Last, but certainly not least:

Friday, February 23, 2007

Thursday, February 22, 2007

The Break-Up: Day 10

"Discontent is the first step in progress. No one knows what is in him till he tries, and many would never try if they were not forced to."– Basil Maturin

When am I going to feel better??? Every time I think I've accepted it and am ready to move on, I see, hear or even smell something that makes me remember him and a happy time with him. I don't know why I think after 10 days I should be able to move away from a relationship I thought would be my last one--we talked about marriage, kids, the whole bit. It's not easy to follow the "Oh, it's his loss" mentality, no matter what my friends say. I mean, you're my friends--of course you're on my side! I just wish I knew what I did sooo fucking wrong that he won't even talk to me. He's cut me out of his life like I was a cancer. No matter how much support I get from friends, how many people want to take me out to "cheer me up" and get my mind off of him, I can't just get over it. I realize the old adage about time healing all wounds...I'm just trying to figure out how much time this is going to take.

The quote above is from today's Daily Inspiration e-mail. I thought it particularly appropriate for me on a couple of different levels. First and foremost, my whole Nutrisystem journey was borne of the discontent I had with my body, my fitness level and general well-being. I made a decision to join NS and actually made progress physically and emotionally. The weight loss has not only transformed my body, it's transformed my outlook on life--showed me that even what I once thought was impossible can be accomplished (thanks Nido). As far as Rich goes, he was obviously discontented with me and our relationship, so his 'progress' was to walk away--didn't look back, didn't pass "GO" and didn't collect $200. I now have to take that same initiative with regard to how I'm feeling. I'm not a happy person right now, but I want to be. I have to take the steps to get there. One of those steps has been to continue my workouts despite my discouragement at gaining weight this week. Another has been to watch the eating: I want to binge on junk, fatty, comfort food even more than I don't want to work out. I want to spend every day in bed, watching The Shield (which also reminds me of him because we started renting them and watching them together) and Grey's Anatomy, eating and just not doing anything at all. Some mornings it's all I can do to get my ass out of bed to go to work. Sound like depression to you?

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

The Break-Up

It's been a week and I've made no progress on my FFF goal...rather, I've gained weight. And not just a pound or two, but EIGHT friggin' pounds since last Sunday! How is that even possible?!?! I'm not on my period, I've worked out 5 out of 7 days and have been eating great. It's just another thing I can't seem to understand and it's really taking an emotional toll on me. The other issue I've been consumed with is the fact that Rich decided to end our relationship after an argument last week, and despite numerous, NUMEROUS attempts to call, text, or e-mail him, he has ignored me, refusing to communicate with me. I'm at a loss. Knowing him the way I do, he's just done with me, so I've been pretty upset.

I don't know why it has ended the way it has. I get that we were starting to get on each other's nerves after he'd been staying with me for a couple of weeks while he looked for work. But, come on, after a while my habit of snoozing the alarm 57 times a morning in order to wake up and his habit of hanging wet towels everywhere but in the bathroom, were bound to result in a spat. But he just packed up most of his stuff before he even told me he was going to leave, and didn't tell me the real reason he was leaving...had I known, maybe I would have realized he just needed his space and wouldn't have called or texted, but I did. I called several times and texted what I thought were loving sentiments and got no response at all. Then, when he did call, he couldn't/wouldn't understand why I was upset. I don't need anyone to call me every hour of every day. I just would like to believe that if I make contact, I'll get a response. And when I don't get a response repeatedly, my natural instinct is to worry that the person can't respond. I would have saved myself a lot of heartache had I just realized the difference between when someone can't respond versus when they just won't.

Of course, the timing of a break-up/dumping is never good, but this big blow up happened two days before Valentine's Day. The last time I saw him (Monday) I tried to give him his card anyway, but we were so upset he just sneered "Why?" and I was so hurt that he didn't even want the card that I ripped it in two! I dropped him off at his friend's and the last words I yelled to him were "Fuck you; go to hell. And I hope you remember those are the last words I ever said to you!" Well, looks like I was right, because if it's up to him, they will be the last words I ever say to him. Infamous last words.

I always considered myself a sensitive person and non-confrontational (yeah, I'm sure the outburst I outlined above really gave you that impression). I just can't believe I allowed myself to turn into such a shrew. He told me that I made everything about me; that I needed too much attention and he hopes I find the guy who can give me every ounce of attention I need; that I complain about every little thing that is not exactly to my liking. In a nutshell? I'm a self-centered bitch. It's soo weird how two people can look at a situation and see two TOTALLY different things. I honestly believed I was thinking about him/us and trying to help him by letting him stay with me, helping him to look for work, etc. It ends up that my "constant nagging" about him not taking out the trash, cleaning the microwave or washing the dishes turned out to be worse for our relationship and outweighed the good I thought I was doing. Valentine's Day was really bad because the Monday before when we were arguing he made a point to tell me I should enjoy my V-Day present anyway [despite our fight]. It was at least the second time he alluded to the fact he was doing something special for me; had even indicated a friend of his that owns a florist would be "doing him a favor". And this was particularly important to me because we'd had many conversations about how I'm not the kind of girl who gets flowers and especially never gotten any delivered to me at work. He kept promising me this one would be different. Well, either he was full of crap about that or he was sooo pissed at me that he canceled it. I can't tell you how much I hoped the receptionist would call me to the front desk to receive a delivery of flowers or balloons or whatever amid the "oohs and aahhs" of my co-workers. He promised me. I thought at the very least, it'd be a way to diffuse the situation and I would call to thank him, we'd talk and figure it out. That was truly wishful thinking on my part. I even sent him a text that night to wish him a happy V-Day and he didn't respond. [I just hope and pray that everything is OK with his mom and daughter--mom is undergoing radiation for cancer and his daughter has a brain tumor--obviously (and for good reason), I'm the last thing on his mind. I just wanted to be there for him while he was dealing with that shit.]

I just had a three-day weekend that I spent most of at home in my nightgown and socks (hey, it was cold!). I've been battling cravings for fattening comfort food (particularly Mexican, which is my favorite, but I couldn't even indulge in that because the restaurant I go to is the one Rich and I usually go to and if I went there I'd feel even worse); I finally gave in and went to Taco Bell yesterday. Blechh!! I don't seem to want to do anything but watch TV--episodes of The Shield and Grey's Anatomy that I've been getting from Netflix--and eat. I managed to work out each day this weekend after taking Friday off, but it's a struggle. And I feel so emotionally low and defeated that I don't know where to find the strength to stay on track. I really don't. I feel like my Fabulous February is just going to fizzle out.

Thank goodness for Danny, though. He's been great about keeping me company (maybe keeping watch to make sure I'm OK). We rented Little Miss Sunshine, which was a GREAT little movie and we watched it twice. It was the highlight of my weekend and I definitely recommend it to everyone.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Sexy Bitches Wear Red

Well, it's friggin' Valentine's Day, again. The sucky part is that I actually had a valentine up until this weekend...shit happens, I guess, but I'm not expecting any flowers, chocolate or romance tonight or any time soon. Makes me very sad because I believed we were going to be valentines for a while. Instead, Danny and I will be romancing the Gators as they play Alabama this evening.

Today is also the half-way point in the month of February. I was happy to reach my Valentine's day goal weight of 265. Since the middle of November, I'd been unable to get back down to my lowest weight last year (255.5) and actually hovered between 270-280 for months until about 3 weeks ago. This past Sunday I weighed in at 261 (the most recent picture above was the Saturday night before).

So, today starts my "Fabulous February Finale" challenge to reach 255.5 by the 28th. I realize it's a tad ambitious, but I hope to and intend to continue my 25 minute lunchtime walks, 45 minute Gazelle workouts, 3 mile evening walks, and Ab-Lounge sessions. A combination of two or more of those activies daily and eating well should allow me to reach goal. Then it will be on to my March Madness Challenge...but let me not get ahead of myself.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Bus Seats Aren't As Small As I Thought...

[FYI: I wasn't hiding. I was having technical difficulties with, but apparently they've been cleared up, so I'm back; also, you can always visit me at]
Back to blogging and to basics: Tuesday, January 23, 2007 Rich inspired me to get up early and workout before I went to work. I weighed 276. I did about 30 minutes on the Gazelle and was off to work. That night I came home and for the first time since I moved in, walked up and down the street I live on (exactly 2 miles round trip from my parking spot). That was 2 weeks ago today and except for both Saturdays, I have worked out every single day!! I also have resumed my daily walks during my lunch break, 25-30 minutes around downtown (don't worry, I'm watching out for any punching homeless men). In the evenings I alternate between 35-45 minutes on the Gazelle and walking 2 miles outside (last night I walked 3 miles). PLUS, my mom recently bought Tony Little's Ab-Lounge Xtreme and has since given (sold) it to me. [What was originally my den is now my Tony Little workout room--if I manage to get go goal, I'm going to have to write him a thank-you letter.] I've been doing about 100 crunches a day. Something must be working because last Thursday I reached my goal to hit 265 before Valentine's Day (Friday my TOM started so I'm not weighing this week). It is the most progress I've made since Labor Day, and I'm encouraged. Actually, I'm encouraged for a number of reasons: like I mentioned, it's my TOM so, of course, I'm feeling bloated and crampy and all-around cruddy (like the recent weather here); well, I wore my skinny jeans to work yesterday (don't ask me why) but I was actually comfortable all day!!! I had a feeling that the Ab-Lounge had worked some inches off my midsection but I couldn't be sure cause my lazy butt didn't measure myself before I started. YAY!

So, last week I started taking the bus to work. Drive to the park & ride, take the downtown express bus and it drops me off right in front of my building. It's been great to be able to sleep on the way to and from work. I almost can't believe I'm enjoying taking the bus. I've been taking the bus to school and everywhere else since I was a kid and until I was in my mid-20s when I had a car of my own. And I hated it! The main reason is unless the bus was fairly empty, I felt crowded and uncomfortable--the damn seats are sooo small! Well ( insert sheepish grin) you know, the bus seats aren't that small. I mean, this past week I've noticed that I actually fit completely into one seat instead of 1/3 of my arse spilling over into the next one. People can actually sit next to me and not have to sit sideways. My knees aren't constantly jutting into the seats in front of me and I don't feel like I'm suffocating fellow passengers on either side when I walk down the aisle looking for a seat. I can't tell you what a feeling that is--an incredible NSV. Like lying down on my side and feeling my knees touch each other sans two inches of fat in between--I have BONES!

So, I feel like I'm back on track and hoping to stay that way (I know you're watching me, Leigh. LOL!!). Gotta keep my eye on the prize. Next major goal is to reach 247.5 by my birthday, which is exactly 13 weeks away. That would give me a total of 75lbs lost since I started this thing. The picture above was taken on February 2, Groundhog Day, 2007. My shadow's a lot smaller this year than it was last year. LOL!

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Celebrating the Gators...again!!!


Thursday, January 04, 2007

Starting Over

I just love the Daily Dose and today's is particularly appropos! Can't wait to get started on Monday (the mental preparation/training has already begun*).

A bad haircut. Those horrible words you said to your last boyfriend. That Enron investment. We all have things we regret doing. Things we wish we could take back, or turn around, or undo. Unfortunately, though, much in life is the real deal and set in stone once it's in the past. What's done is done. Bygones. But here's the good news: we know of one big fat exception…
Fat! Yes, weight. Those good ole L-B-S's. That giant pizza you devoured every Sunday this past football season. The two dozen cookies that disappeared last Tuesday night. All that beer you drank over the holidays. Sure, it probably wreaked havoc on your waistline…but it's totally "undo-able." Isn't that great?
That's right—to "undo" is "doable"!
Not many times do we get to fix something, or take back an error in judgment, but when it comes to our weight, and how we got that way, that's exactly what we get to do. We get to fix it. We get a second chance. And that's a beautiful thing.
Now that it's January, it's the perfect time to give ourselves that second chance and focus big time on becoming healthier, and downright happier, in the New Year. Let's face it, more food and drink isn't really going to make you happier, is it? At this point, maybe it's likely to make you even more frustrated or wishing even harder that things were different.
So make them different, starting today.
Stick to you guns and realize you really can "undo" any damage that's been done, lose weight, and create a whole new and improved you. People do it all the time.
Now it's your turn for a do-over.
* FYI: When I weigh-in on Monday, it will probably be my TOM so the actual number may be even more inflated than I'd like, but who cares since it's all going away anyway?!!?

Theme of 2007

"The courage to be is the courage to accept oneself, in spite of being unacceptable."
This will be my theme for 2007. I've had set backs, but this is life...a journey and success will be measured by my greater ability to love myself enough to work out and achieve my weight loss goals and STILL love myself when I 'fall' and pig out.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007


Hi, all!

I know, I know--my last update was November 6th! Guess I got started celebrating the holidays a little early. But now I'm back and ready to start Phase II of my commitment to myself through NS. I'm starting NS again on Monday, January 8 -- 365 days since I started. My lowest weight reached was 255.5 but I've really enjoyed the holidays and have been weighing in the high 260s, low 270s for the last couple of weeks. I'll update my ticker tracker for exactness when I weigh-in Monday morning, but my goal is to lose 35lbs by my birthday, May 8th, and that should have me in the low 240s (all depends on how much damage all those holiday baskets and parties and bottles of wine caused).

In reflection, 2006 was a really good year for me: I bought a condo and lost 50 net pounds. Unfortunately, mid-December I lost one of my co-workers, my dear friend Kay Stirling who had a massive stroke and passed away. It's surreal. You say, "good night, Kay, I'll see ya tomorrow" and take it for granted that you will. But I didn't get to. And I must admit it's been hard to tell myself to forgo that second piece of cake/pizza/chicken when I've been soo consumed with and saddened by the truth that life is short! But that doesn't mean I have to kill myself with gluttony for whatever length of time I have. Therefore, this week is spent getting rid of the rest of the goodies in the gift basket and all leftover holiday meals and bottles of liquor, Saturday will be to stock up on the really good stuff--I don't think I've had a cucumber in over a month!! I actually kind of miss them. :-)

My mom bought an Ab-Lounger so I can't wait to try and incorporate it into my workout (which I'm honestly worried about getting back on track with--more so than with the eating), but all I can do is tap into the same discipline and desire that I began with a year ago. Also, I've started a profile on and often spend time there so if you've noticed a bit of an absence, check me out at