"I Found [Me], Miss Nu Booty"

We all have that little something that drives us to continue on our weight loss journeys, but unlike many NSers, I don't have a heyday I'm trying to get back to. I wasn't cute and active in high school, counting on sports and a fast, youthful metabolism to keep me trim. I didn't marry my high school sweetheart, settle down and pack on love and pregnancy pounds. I didn't experience a tragic event during which I "lost myself" and found consolation in food and lethargy. I'm not going to some family/school reunion soon, not trying to fit into a wedding dress or a new bikini for the summer, and I'm certainly well past the "baby fat" stage. I have been big, fat, obese, chunky, big-boned, or whatever euphemism you want to use, my ENTIRE life!! OK, I admit I was born at 5lbs, 6oz; but I was overweight as early as 2 years old.

In a nutshell?
-- I was put on my first diet at age 5 when I weighed 78lbs.
-- The month after my 11th birthday my mom and I spent 7 weeks at a Weight Watchers camp; I weighed in at 237 lbs. I weighed a good 20 lbs more than my mother (who, obviously, was there cause she was overweight too).
-- When I was measured for my 8th grade graduation gown (age 12), I weighed 330lbs. (I can still remember the look on my teacher's face--Mrs. O'Sullivan, my grammar guru--who was absolutely mortified to learn one of her students weighed 3 times as much as she did!)
-- I spent nearly 10 years only knowing that I weighed "350+ lbs" cause the scale at the doctor's office (or anywhere else I went), didn't go past 350.
-- When I graduated college in December, 2001, I weighed 409lbs.
-- The summer of 2002 (age 27) I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and, hooray, I dropped more than a hundred pounds! I reached 286lbs. I felt positively svelte!!
-- The summer of 2003 (age 28) I developed a very large blood clot in my left leg, spent 8 days in the hospital, almost 2 months in bed and in a wheelchair, and eventually my weight creeped back up to nearly 330lbs.
-- Until recently, I don't remember EVER weighing less than any member of my family.

Earlier this month, one of my bosses gave me a gift certificate to Macy's for my birthday, with the suggestion/instruction that I get some "clothes that fit." I'd told myself I wouldn't buy any new clothes until everything I or my mother owned were just falling off me. But, hey, she's my boss, so I listened and went to Macy's with my mom. Now, even though I knew that had a Women's department in terms of plus sizes (my mom shops there), I always felt the clothes were "too old" for me and waaay out of my budget. Boy, was I wrong!! I came away with 2 pair of Tommy Hilfiger jeans (and I don't care that black people aren't supposed to buy Tommy stuff--I'm ECSTATIC that I have anything other than perfume or a headband by Tommy that I can wear!), and two "summery" blouses. The jeans were on sale. I paid $10.25 for these button-down size 24W (they fit perfectly...at the time); and $8.25 for the size 22--I bought those as incentive. Well, the 24s are now nearly too big and though I wouldn't wear them yet, I can sit and still breathe in the 22s (they're cut smaller than the other 22s I have). I also had to buy new underwear (panties that are too big bunch up when you walk--not comfy; like a wedgie times 10!). And not only did I lose inches in my bust, I lost an entire cup size in my bra! I am NOT happy about that!! Oh, well. ;-)

I know I have soooo far to go on this thing--still over 90lbs to lose--but I feel sooo GREAT about myself and my body. I've started a cocoa butter regimen: cocoa butter soap, after shower body oil and firming butter. The vitamin E is supposed to help reduce the appearance of stretch marks and preserve my skin's elasticity. Because I take blood thinners, I don't intend on having any kind of surgery, so I gotta work on it naturally. I've already developed "poochy"-looking skin in my belly area. Oh, and I've LOST A ROLL!!! My belly had 3 distinct rolls and now the bottom two are merged. It sounds gross, but it makes me sooooo happy. I'm moving from a keg belly, to a two 2-liter belly, to a 2-liter belly and eventually to six-pack abs!!! LOL. It can sooo be done! Did anyone see this week's People magazine with the winners of their summer weight loss contest? Well, plan on getting next year's issue because I intend to be in it!!

Anyway, that's all for now; guess I had to make up for nearly 3 weeks of silence. This Sunday will end 20 weeks on NS. I wish I could lose another 3lbs by then; if I do, I'll have lost 50 lbs in 20 weeks. But because I'm feeling so good, I'm not going to focus on the time it takes me to reach my goals, just on reaching them period. In this picture I'm wearing one of my new blouses and a pair of 22W jeans that have the cutest silver details on the back pockets. This is the "smallest" I've been for as long as I can remember. From here on out, it's all about finding the REAL Cassandre! Just call me Miss NuBooty!! :-)