Did you wake up today and think, "Argghh...another day where I have to control my eating...another day when I need to try to fit in exercise...another day of all those vegetables and salads"? Or maybe you said to yourself, "Man, I'm SO tired of fighting this weight thing every day. When do I get to eat whatever I want to eat? You know what, forget it--I'm going to binge today."
Since I've started NS, I wake up and think similar thoughts more often than not. Sometimes I feel as though I WILL KILL someone if I have to eat one more cup of yogurt, can of plain tuna or chicken, cucumber, cup of plain oatmeal, green pepper or drink one more glass of f*&%ing water!!!! [One of my main cravings is Mexican food: I just LOVE the combination of tortilla, tomato, cheese, guacamole, sour cream, beans and yellow rice over chicken or beef AND fried tortilla chips and salsa! Can you say MAJOR calories (and clogged arteries) but mmm mmmm good, ya know?!] Most times I'd rather take the elevator than the stairs; I'd rather park in the closest spot than the one furthest away; I'd rather go to bed than get on the Gazelle or take my dog for a walk; I'd rather eat a loaded cheeseburger than a Nutrisystem muffin--actually, I'd rather eat just about anything than eat those muffins--YUCK!!; I'd rather just accept being fat and hope that everyone will leave me alone.
But my word of the day is PERSEVERANCE: "to persist in a state, enterprise, or undertaking in spite of counterinfluences, opposition, or discouragement" (Source: www.m-w.com). I'm closing in on the end of week 33 on Nutrisystem. 33 WEEKS!! Basically, 8 months and that, in and of itself, is a victory. It is BY FAR my longest and most concentrated weight loss ever. And I certainly did not become morbidly obese over the course of 8 months or even 8 years: it was a lifetime of bad food decisions, lack of exercise, lack of discipline to stick to a diet, lack of caring for myself--all of which resulted in a 400+ pound body.
Today as I sit here and write this, I'm thinking about that Daily Dose message: don't give up. No matter what, I CAN NOT GIVE UP!! It doesn't matter that I didn't lose any weight for nearly 2 months. The victory came when I did not allow that to derail all my efforts and give up, that I didn't just say "Well, fuck it then. I'm just meant to be fat. Now, put the Gazelle in the closet and where's the Taco Bell?" And because I didn't give up, I can report that today I weigh 265.5, my lowest weight I can ever remember (except for weighing 237 when I went to WW fat camp at age 10), for a total of 57lbs GONE!!! I really don't know what's been different over this past week; I still haven't worked out in nearly 2 months now outside of all my "condo-robics". But I don't really need to analyze it too much: the scale is moving in the right direction again. I feel GREAT and I actually feel lean. I know, I know--at my size, the last word I should use to describe myself is lean, but that's how I feel. Yesterday at work I decided to go up and down the stairs 3 times (4 flights). It took all of 8 minutes, but I was sweaty and tired. Hopefully, it's something I can keep up.
And finally, it's time to revise my goals to reflect this little "episode" I had to endure. I'm trying to keep them ambitious and optimistic yet realistic so that I don't discourage myself by setting unattainable goals.
Week 36 (September 17) - 260
Week 40 (October 15) - 252.5
Week 44 (November 12) - 245.5
Week 48 (December 10) - 237.5
Week 52 (January 7) - 232.5
This would result in a total of 90lbs lost in one year on NS (anniversary date is January 9, 2007).
UPDATE: My condo's going to get some color tonight, FINALLY! Move in date is scheduled for Friday, September 1. Talk about a true Labor Day weekend; I'm going to be working my ARSE off!