Friday, February 24, 2006

This Change Isn't Just Physical...

T.G.I.F. Whew! Thank goodness I made it through this week; I admit, it's been a rough one (I guess Week 7 wasn't so lucky for me). Over the last several days, I've had several "issues" with various friends and members of my family. They started out over trivial things, but seemed to rapidly escalate into heated "talk-uments". I began to feel as though I was in the Twilight Zone. It seemed if I saw something yellow, everyone else said it was green! I've spent several days on edge, cranky, sensitive--NOO I'm WASN'T PMSing (that's next week)--and I couldn't understand why.
I recently spoke to a close friend of mine who helped calm my hysterics and gave me a new perspective. She reminded me that this diet isn't just a matter of less calories & more exercise; it's a whole new lifestyle. And, sure, those of us who've struggled with weight know that the only success comes with a change in lifestyle, but who really ever talks about how that change really affects your everyday? Who talks about the fact that after spending 28 years using food as my main source of comfort, I may not do too well once I take it away? The late night Snickers bar, bag of Cheetos or Taco Bell combo meal wasn't satisfying a physical hunger; I was feeding an emotional need. The very act of eating somehow became a metaphor for filling a void in my life, rather than my stomach. I'm not yet sure what that void is (at least conciously), but identifying that it exists and getting control of it rather than letting it control me is a BIG step.
I've likened this journey to an alcoholic, smoker or drug addict trying to kick the habit. In those situations, the person usually quits "cold turkey". With food, though it is an addiction, I can't quit cold turkey--I mean, I gotta eat! And food is EVERYWHERE!! It's in my face wherever I go, and it's never what's good for me. IT PISSES ME OFF!!! And maybe that's why I've been having issues with those around me; maybe I'm suffering from a form of withdrawl. My body has been used to me stuffing it with junk in order to feel "better"; now, I'm not doing that and deep down under all this fat I'm mad!
{SIGH} So, what are my options at this point? Well, I'm sure there are several, but my approach is one of deprogramming & reprogramming. I have to deprogram my body from thinking Doritos will make me feel better; I have to reprogram it to think a brisk walk would be GREAT! I have to remember that, like an alcoholic, smoker or druggie, life on the "other side" is better for me physically, emotionally and mentally. I just hope those around me will bear with me while I "detox".

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